The big mistake was probably checking my cellphone the first thing I woke up this morning. My brother’s short and nearly cold response in our family group chat on Line immediately tainted my mood for the day.
The relationship between my brother and I is becoming nonexistent, specially after all the arguments and bickering in the past two years fueled by his religious beliefs that have done a tremendous damage to the barely functioning family. I have to keep reminding myself that he is not mentally stable, that he is not well, and that he has not had an easy life. But honestly I don’t know how much longer I could continue like this. If it were not for our mother, we probably would have dissolved our family group chat.
When I went out for my morning run, this family matter was still messing with my head relentlessly. What’s worse was that out of nowhere my back was hurting. So I tried really hard to concentrate, in case if I’d make one wrong move it could get a lot worse.
I think a lot when I run. It’s almost therapeutic to me. It’s also one of the few moments in a day that I’m alone and allowed to be truly honest with myself. My body may be exhausted but my head would feel lighter after a run, in most days. Unfortunately not today.. Perhaps my brother and I could never go back to the way it was. I’m well aware that I shouldn’t let it bother me this much, even though I would never stop trying to figure out what I can do to improve the situation. At the same time I know I can’t force it if the other people keeps slamming doors. I have to keep that in mind and accept it is what it is somehow..
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