This image was captured at 5:07 in the morning on my departure day. I wanted to document the empty streets seen from our bedroom window. This was the first image captured due to camera’s inability to auto-focus.
Out of focus, or blurry vision. Just like my Mom’s uncertain future.. I have no solution. None of my siblings have any constructive ideas, either. Everyone seems to hide behind the excuse of having their own life. That’s the reality. That’s the way it is..
This morning I took Mom to the Luisa Coffee just about two blocks away from where we live for breakfast. This would be the last breakfast I could share with her for I have to leave and catch an early HSR train before the sun even rises tomorrow.
I ordered the Pocket Omelette with Cheese for both of us because it’s her favorite. Or at least that’s what I think since she hasn’t been able to order anything for herself for quite a long time..
And I finally told her today that I would be leaving home soon. It took her by surprise because in her mind I just came back.
「媽，我已經回來將近一個月了⋯」
「蛤？這麼久了喔？」
I’ve been back at home since more than a month, but she thought I just arrived recently. Such is her memory.. or lack of…
I’ve looked at the same limited sky from our apartment building’s atrium countless times. Today on my way out to do some shopping, I looked up, a sudden rush of sadness came to me. I realized it’s probably because I’ll be leaving here, leaving my Mother in a few days. I can’t bear the thought of her sitting idle all day long, wasting her life away. But there seems to be no other alternatives.
Just like the view of the sky from the atrium, limited is the solutions, the possibility, the future..
This afternoon was sunny. I took my Mom out in the wheelchair to a near by park. I’ve seen this tiny library before, but it was weathered by the climate and empty. Today I noticed that from far it somehow looks different. Yes, it has been fixed up and now there’re books inside.
On my way to the Lunar New Year’s Eve dinner, not far from the old, original Kaohsiung Station, I found that there’s an area full of Indonesian and Vietnamese restaurants. These places were packed with people with different shades of complexion. The signs were in a language I didn’t understand. For a moment it was as if I’ve been brought back to Jakarta or Hanoi. A bit stunned at first, I’d admit. Then I felt proud how much this city that I used to know has changed and is embracing and welcoming diversity.
After a long day of cleaning and preparing, I said goodbye to my Mom and checked into a hotel. My eldest sister and her son live in Taipei. They need a place to stay when they visit Mom during the Lunar New Year, so I volunteered and offered my room.
It was almost 10 o’clock when I reached Kaohsiung Station. I captured this moment before I moved on and headed to the hotel. The station wasn’t busy. I was aware that lots of the people passing by were not locals. They were foreign workers from various countries. I thought to myself how much this city has changed..
Just something that caught my attention today. They were placed on the side of a garbage pickup truck. Which makes me wonder if they were rescued by the sanitation workers. What would the original owner feel if they met again?
After taking care of some long overdue paperwork for Mom’s health care, we went to a nearby, rather popular duck meat restaurant for late lunch. I ordered a bowl of cellophane noodle soup with duck meat for her. It turned out to be a huge oversight on my part..
The duck meat was too tough for her to bite and chew. She ended up leaving most of the meat in the bowl, which was supposed to be the most enjoyable part. Since her teeth were not in good shape, it scared me watching my Mom trying to separate the meat from the bone with her mouth.
The saddest part might be that I could see she actually would have liked the duck. She really tried to enjoy it but clearly it was way too difficult for her to eat. Only then I realized that I forgot to bring the set of plastic utensils I usually carry in my bag..
There’s an elderly woman who collects recyclables behind our building. Apparently she’s not in good health these days. She used those assumed recycled cardboard boxes, hand wrote these messages informing that she is ill and not collecting recyclables at the moment. She also begs people not to leave anything there anymore, as her existence there has always been somewhat controversial.
I thought these seemingly scattered cardboard pieces were interesting. I was planning to recapture this scene at night. To my surprise everything was already gone.
This image was captured when I went out getting dinner while Long-Term Care personnel helped my Mom bathe at home.
I’ve been at that spot several times in the past two, three weeks. Sometimes I just stared at a distance, not really looking at anything. My mind went blank for a brief moment, then reality came back as it always does..
